Pain.ul have millions of friends tons of well wishers.. a few side kicks here and there but just one person. one person who will really make you feel every inch of that small four letter word. It makes you want to crush it up smash it and submerge it under water. hide it in a box. seal it in a case so ul never have to see it again.. sometimes i want to preserve it. admire it from every angle and cherish every drop. th worst kind of pain is when your the one causing it. When you know that everything could have been perfect if it wasnt for that one stupid thing you did. that one time you didnt think or the one moment u let urself go. for two months i pushed sumthing to th back of my mind which i thought wasnt important. i made myself believe that it didnt matter. it wasnt my fault. it never is. but when it actually came to confrontation. when it came to saying i love you and i wanna be with you forever and actually mean it .i couldnt do it. because there it was. this wieght at the back of my mind. well now its out.. out in the open. and i feel like i can breathe again.
i wronged you in the worst way possible but the hurt i caused myself is incompareable. you ask me how much i love you and i say i dont know.. its because im scared of loving you too much. loving you so much that my heart can break at the slightest word. th slightest arguement. its scary because ive never felt something so powerful before. because somewhere down the line i lost my faith in love and when you tried to prove to me that yes it does exist i refused to believe you. but now suddenly i need you. its a hunger. its a thirst which i need to quench. and im done saying no. im done refusing to let myself love you the way you deserve to be loved. the way you need to be loved. its 4. 30 in th fucking morning and my head is spinning but i have to write this now because i have to let you know that your the one person who iv actually changed for. the one person ive actually let in so far.
im sorry. im so sorry for being the way i was. but i promise its gonna be different from now on.
i hope one day il find it in your heart to forgive me completely and maybe one day ul even forget. i know thats not today and i know thats not anytime soon. but you should no that il wait. il wait till i have you back completely. and then itl be like its meant to be. A sanctuary. th abandoned island. the bubble which never bursts.
for the first time in my life i can actualy say .. i love you.
p.s. mein tumse bahut pyaar karti hoon. hamesha.